TERMS of ENDEARMENT: Is it not “IN” anymore?

I have been seeing a lot of marriage proposals, actual marriage events both civil and church weddings and a lot of endearments as I open my facebook account.

Honestly, those are kind of freakin’ me out. Now, I am beginning to ask myself, am I getting old already or is it just the right time to do it so. Not that I am insecure nor worried about my future rather I haven’t felt that kind of excitement yet I guess. There were even times when I dreamt of walking down the aisle, teary eyed, and waiting to be touched and kissed by my crying fiancé as well. Oh well, of course, all are just my fancy imaginations, BUT what if imaginations become a reality, isn’t it great?!

Just to share my experience, our lovelife (Francis and me) is not as colorful and vibrant as how others project their relationships to be. Ours is quiet, silent, tact, low profile or how others perceive a “not so popular” relationship to be. Francis is 28 and I am 24, he’s not expressive as I am, at times he’d be quiet, he’s not as open like the other guys, communicating with him is a big big challenge for me.

He’s not of an outdoor type of person, every time I asks him out, he’d always say he wants to rest, sometimes he’d sleep all day. There are even times when all seems to be sweet with their girlfriends, and shows affection in public, he still remains to be flat affect and NR (No reaction). I wanted to confront him, (which sometimes I do), his mood will shift from flat to grumpy, he doesn’t want to be questioned of such things, very often he’d say, I want to show my love for you the way how I want it to.

Well of course, I am a girl and I always get offended when he blurts it out. It’s as if you always say you’ll do it your way but how about the way how I wanted to feel it. It’s as if I feel that I don’t have any control and that I felt embarrassed and neglected most of the times.

BUT THEN, inasmuch as I wanted things to be as smooth as possible I try to think things outright and positively. Diverting his acts to a more reasonable way that I could be able to understand is my way of brushing the negatives off of me and exchanging it to positive so as to maintain our relationship.

Both of us are busy, we both have our own operational definition of busy. He works 12hrs a day for 6 days. I work for at least 12hrs a day  for 5 days and is taking Master’s Degree every Saturday. Both seems to be fully booked most of the times, but still we’re lucky we still get to bond with each other, not perfect but at least a happy bonding.

We argue a lot of times, we have disputes, we have lots and lots of misunderstandings but still, we are able to get through it alive and glad that we’ve made it through. He’s not sweet but there are “golden” moments when he does it so. Then I get to realize, we are not perfect, people may not see us as a perfect couple but why the need to brag it of if in our own ways  we know that we are happy with our ways.

The common mistakes lovers do is try to match up with others and be like others not being able to see that what they have and what they are with each other is what really matters. Jealousy and competition are just the ideas that interrupts relationships leading to cool offs and heartbreaks.

Today’s realization, I guess is that, our partners may not be as  expressive as others to be but still they have their own ways of sharing it. We just have to internalize it and feel it down from our heart for us to warmly feel their love. Love is not a competition, it is a feeling, a commitment both shared by each parties. We just have to let it in, without pressure, without demands, without comparing others and without being envious with others.

Love yourself, love your partner, only then you will realize that the endearments you are looking for is just within you reach, maybe, you’re just pre occupied with others and projecting yourself to be another person because that is how you wanted things to be. Love, live and relax, just be yourself and things will be as smooth as how God planned it to be.

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