2014: My Year in Review

I know God blesses His people in ways they don’t even know that they are being blessed, like me. I admit that sometimes I take things for granted like forgeting to give grace on the meals I eat, not appreciating things that I receive everyday and worst not recognizing the efforts God has made in every achievement that comes my way, oftentimes, I forget to pray.

This year has been a blast, as we gear to the last day of the year 2014, I want to at least reflect and appreciate ALL the blessings that God bestowed to me and to my family this year. I know that I have sinned, there were temptations, there were times that I felt so great that I forgot to thank God BUT now I have come to realize that what I have achieved now is all because of HIM.

I have a niece, on May 2013, she was diagnosed to have an “inoperable brain tumor” which causes her seizures from time to time, a non communicating hydrocephalus, and a tumor in her eyes which made her totally blind. We were really shocked that time but we never lose any single hope. We prayed, we asked others for prayers, we looked for alternative medicines, we did and we are still doing everything we can to make her feel she’s love and cared for.

This was Nina after her shunt operation last May 2013.

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And now, this is Nina with her new sibling Dominic and her whole loving family!

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Nina’s health and Domininc is more than a gift to the family, they are a true blessing.

As we go along the year 2014, there were more challenges that came our way, torture gossips, hardships in schools, financial constraints, family conflicts and more. Despite the challenges, our spirit was not broken, hence, it made our family stronger than ever.

After 2 years of hardships, I was able to finish my Masters Degree (Master of Public Health) in University of the Philippines.

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The blessing did not just stopped there, it even doubled.

My four years in the Department of Health had been a roller coaster ride for me. There were so many ups and downs, downs that almost crushed me to the ground but that didn’t discouraged me to be good in what I do. It was hard for me to leave, because DOH had been my comfort zone ever since but then the time has came to leave wehen I was offered by another government agency with a better position.

My journey to this another agency had been bittersweet in a way. It was sweet because I gained friends and I’m closer to my MPH buddy, Arriane but then it was bitter because I deemed it was not the right job for me, I felt I can do more and that the technicality of the job offered is as not as technical as I’ve expected it to be so I prayed that God lead me to the path where He knows I can contribute more according to His will.

God really knows the perfect timing. After 2 months in my new job, I was again offered another job, this time, it is really what I have been trained for, disasters.

I was offered a position under the Disaster Risk Reduction Program from an International Humanitarian Organization. It was one of the greatest blessing ever that God has given me this year. My job has given me confidence and the guts to be more that what I was before and I REALLY thank God for that blessing.

God has been great to me, to my family, to my relationship with Francis and to my friends, and I want to lift it all up to Him by giving help to others and be a blessing to others as well. God never fail, He loves us so much that no matter how difficult life is, He always gives us the opportunity to change and become a better person.

Thank you for being a part of my 2014!

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Quarter Life Crisis

I am 25 and the year is about to end. I am not quite sure yet of things that I want to do for next year, things I want to change, things that I have to improve on and things that I need to do to achieve my dreams.

I’m very blessed this year, to have finished my Master of Public Health Course  which is my post graduate course, to have been in 3 reputable organizations, from the 2 most famous government institutions and currently serving the country as part of an international humanitarian organization. My relationship with God, family and love life is also remarkable; truly, God has blessed me all the way my journey.

With all these blessings and gifts, some of my friends think, what more could I ask for.

Life is not easy, it never is and whatever we do there will always be obstacles and challenges that will push us to out limit but through God’s divine intervention, no matter how hard life is, He will always be there for us, He will guide us and will never ever leave us.

At this point, I’m quite sure that I am experiencing a quarter life crisis, things that some people of my age are also experiencing. Despite the successes that I have achieved, the positive commendations that most have given to me and the beauty and the fulfillment of my current job, something is still missing. I realized I am still focused on myself and my family, I felt the need to start thinking of my ‘future’ family to establish.

Marriage – yes, maybe. Maybe that is what I am looking for. For us women, these things are not within our control. 99% in the world would agree that marriage is always and must be the guy’s initiative. I agree with that and maybe that is something that could also make or break a couple’s relationship. I am in relationship for more than 6 years and yes we have plans, but we lack the financial capacity (yet) to get into marriage.  We felt that we’re ready but in a way we’re not. We don’t have our basics yet like house, savings for hospitalization (for maternity purposes), we don’t have plans yet for our future kids’ education, I felt that we are still at a loss in this aspect and that’s where my crisis is coming from – my insecurity for our future.

I might have this crisis for now but I know that God is there and I will always and will forever be thankful to HIM for all the blessings, for all the love and the guidance. I know that all this shall pass and He will lead us to the right path where we can find peace and love through His own ways.

The 365 days photo challenge 2014

I’m kinda curious about those who does the “365 days Phto challenge” thing. Well, at some point, it wont hurt if I try those too.. Let’s see how long I can cope up with that 365 days. 🙂

January 1: PROSPERITY CANDLES

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These are “Prosperity Candles”. Part of the Filipino tradition is lighting up this 7 candles around 1130 on the New Years Eve, at the exact New Year, the candle that melts the quickest symbolizes the good fortune that the new year will bring followed b the rest.

January 2: Love Tattoo

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It is best to start the year when you start it together with the one you love.

January 3: NURSE

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Looking good wearing my white uniform as a clinical nurse. Confusing though as to what job should should I choose. Clinical or Public Health? I love both, I just don’t know what to choose between the two.

January 4: Pendant of Love (68h Mothsary)

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This was given to me by Francis years ago, but then I accidentally lost it somewhere. I though this pendant has been lost forever, but then, as I was cleaning my room, the pendant that had been lost for years appeared as if it was a magic.

Salut! Janvier 2014 – Becoming a “Better” Person

Happy New Year, everyone!

My entry is kind of late but, as what they always say, “better late than never”. haha!
Well, a lot of people are, again, very busy making their new years resolutions and the likes, but me, well I don’t know, I just want to be a better person. Sounds lame right?, however, no matter how lame my statement is, I believe it will never be out of tune.

..Better person?…huh?!?
First and foremost, how shall I define “better” in my own context.. well, better means:

1. Spiritual – yes, spiritual in a sense of making myself closer to God. The past years, after I graduated from college I had no enough time to worship Him. I took advantage of what I have that I forget what and for who the Sunday really is. I felt empty, I felt lost for so many times, I didn’t even know how to get back to the old me. When I realized what was missing, He led me back to Him. I realized that no matter how long my absence was, He still welcomed me to His church and reminded me how blessed I am and that I am not alone cause He was there when I thought there was no one for me.

2. Selfless – I’ve been so selfish. I only think of what’s good for ME, what’s in it for ME?, How about ME?, ME, ME, ME so many ME’s! That I took for granted the word OURs.. I am a family person, however, when things get tough, I always get back to “me” which I find to a cowardly thing to do. Now, I now where I stand, I know that life isn’t just about me, it’s about them, my family, my loved ones… Time is of essence, and I cannot take that for granted just like what I did the past years.

3. more LOVING – Up, down, up, down,.. that was the pattern of our relationship the past year. Francis and I had so many fights that almost broke us apart. I cannot blame him, nor blame my self but I know somewhere along the way, I have faults and there were so many disappointments and frustrations on my part that caused the misunderstandings. I want us to be better, I want us to stick together no matter what. I love him dearly, God knows how much I love him, I’ll do everything and anything to strengthen our foundations even more.

BIG Words, Big responsibilities, but I know that no matter how BIG those words are, I know I can do it.. Through HIs guidance, I know that I, WE, all of us can survive this year. Full of enthusiasm and love in my heart, let us all welcome the year 2014 with a big big smile and faith with God! God bless everyone! Once again, happy NEw YEar!

“Sincerity and Simplicity always go hand in hand with each other”

Sincerity is one of the most important virtues one could ever have.

In most times, it manifests when something wrong happened and the person needs to apologize for some reason.

In love, conflicts always happen but the sincerity to ask for forgiveness and express regret is not genuine enough  to 100% (percently) prove that your “sorry” is sincere and  truthful.

Francis and I recently had been to minor clash, however, nobody wants to surrender, and he had uttered words not pleasing to my ears. I wanted to get angry and I really wanted to cry it out so I could say we’re quits but then I realized that my action won’t justify whatever the result of that fight would be.

He texted me he’s sorry. The message seems to be simple, not that it is not sincere however its simplicity makes me doubt if its genuine or not. So I relied, “harsh words are only forgiven but not forgotten” just to at least catch his interest and gain more attention from him, we had series of conversation that also almost led to another quarrel, but then after a 15 minutes of nonstop exchange of text messages, he texted me.. “I just want you to be safe, my demand is not for me but for you, it is for your safety, it is as simple as that”. The message left me quite wordless,  all the while I thought, he was just being cold and insensitive, what I failed to notice is that his way of caring is different from other people and that I need to respect it and believe that what he wants is what’s the best for me.

Sometimes, things don’t go the way how we dream it to be but most of the times, reality is better than any dreams, we just have to appreciate it.

TERMS of ENDEARMENT: Is it not “IN” anymore?

I have been seeing a lot of marriage proposals, actual marriage events both civil and church weddings and a lot of endearments as I open my facebook account.

Honestly, those are kind of freakin’ me out. Now, I am beginning to ask myself, am I getting old already or is it just the right time to do it so. Not that I am insecure nor worried about my future rather I haven’t felt that kind of excitement yet I guess. There were even times when I dreamt of walking down the aisle, teary eyed, and waiting to be touched and kissed by my crying fiancé as well. Oh well, of course, all are just my fancy imaginations, BUT what if imaginations become a reality, isn’t it great?!

Just to share my experience, our lovelife (Francis and me) is not as colorful and vibrant as how others project their relationships to be. Ours is quiet, silent, tact, low profile or how others perceive a “not so popular” relationship to be. Francis is 28 and I am 24, he’s not expressive as I am, at times he’d be quiet, he’s not as open like the other guys, communicating with him is a big big challenge for me.

He’s not of an outdoor type of person, every time I asks him out, he’d always say he wants to rest, sometimes he’d sleep all day. There are even times when all seems to be sweet with their girlfriends, and shows affection in public, he still remains to be flat affect and NR (No reaction). I wanted to confront him, (which sometimes I do), his mood will shift from flat to grumpy, he doesn’t want to be questioned of such things, very often he’d say, I want to show my love for you the way how I want it to.

Well of course, I am a girl and I always get offended when he blurts it out. It’s as if you always say you’ll do it your way but how about the way how I wanted to feel it. It’s as if I feel that I don’t have any control and that I felt embarrassed and neglected most of the times.

BUT THEN, inasmuch as I wanted things to be as smooth as possible I try to think things outright and positively. Diverting his acts to a more reasonable way that I could be able to understand is my way of brushing the negatives off of me and exchanging it to positive so as to maintain our relationship.

Both of us are busy, we both have our own operational definition of busy. He works 12hrs a day for 6 days. I work for at least 12hrs a day  for 5 days and is taking Master’s Degree every Saturday. Both seems to be fully booked most of the times, but still we’re lucky we still get to bond with each other, not perfect but at least a happy bonding.

We argue a lot of times, we have disputes, we have lots and lots of misunderstandings but still, we are able to get through it alive and glad that we’ve made it through. He’s not sweet but there are “golden” moments when he does it so. Then I get to realize, we are not perfect, people may not see us as a perfect couple but why the need to brag it of if in our own ways  we know that we are happy with our ways.

The common mistakes lovers do is try to match up with others and be like others not being able to see that what they have and what they are with each other is what really matters. Jealousy and competition are just the ideas that interrupts relationships leading to cool offs and heartbreaks.

Today’s realization, I guess is that, our partners may not be as  expressive as others to be but still they have their own ways of sharing it. We just have to internalize it and feel it down from our heart for us to warmly feel their love. Love is not a competition, it is a feeling, a commitment both shared by each parties. We just have to let it in, without pressure, without demands, without comparing others and without being envious with others.

Love yourself, love your partner, only then you will realize that the endearments you are looking for is just within you reach, maybe, you’re just pre occupied with others and projecting yourself to be another person because that is how you wanted things to be. Love, live and relax, just be yourself and things will be as smooth as how God planned it to be.

The 4th of November

Sunny and yet cloudy with isolated rains, weird weather isn’t it?

It may look weird as it may seem but I’d rather like and take it as it is than wish for more sun nor rains :).

Today marks our 66th monthsary.. and oooh yesss!, I’m so happy we’ve made this far! Relationship is not an easy commitment, well, not unless if you’re not serious,

Most people undergo ups and downs in relationships and we’re not exempted from it. The fact that relationships last is also the fact that time allows the couple to understand each other, make way for who should lead the way depending on the situation, to fight when things become tough and unmanageable, to love even if both of you are in pain, and to love each other with full commitment, compassion, without pressure and without demands.